Research Proposal

Dear Diary,
Seriously i have to write 'dear diary' whenever i want to start? hahaa..sometimes i do think myself as silly i could be and sometimes as dumb as hell too. i know its been months from my last update but who can blame me right? ive been busy with stuff, not stuff actually but study! i know ive been a brag about studying in Sunway and bla bla bla, but hey! if you dont appreciate the place where you gained your knowledge, it means you just have no pride and respect. am i making sense? no? well as i said, i could be as dumb as hell sometimes, not all the time ;p

I miss my friends! i miss Kelly, Hamidah, Yasirah, Hannuun, Emil, Umi, Damia, Danial, Izzuddin and not forgetting Shiken <3 ouh! one name, I miss Zam too :( its been a long time since we sat together and talk about stuff, life, rubbish, future. i seriously miss all of you! and im so sorry i cant really hang out or to be involved with all the past gathering. is not i dont want but i really cant. sometimes, i do really have no money to go out, i only got cents and pennies in my wallet, i cant ask from mummy, coz she herself need to use the money for her treatment. im so sorry, please.

Back to the title/topic. i do really feel demotivated by my research. yes im so confident with my research eraly on but after the most horrible bad worst presentation ever id been through, its just like my confidence level with this goes down and vanished! vanished! is no more, i have no idea what to do and to who im suppose to turn too. i know ive blurt it out in FB few days ago but nothing change. the proposal is laying besides me while im typing this, but i have no semangat to open it nor to even read it~

9th JUNE 2011

Dear Diary,

My Mummy cooked the BEST Ikan Masak Acar EVER!! & I'm proud to be fatty boom boom Mummy's youngest daughter. hehe! ;p Kate yo-yo jhe nak diet, tapi kalau dah melantak 2 pinggan terak nak diet ape kan? Lagipon aku mmg suke pown kalau Mummy wat masak acar. heemmmm, bile laa aku nak pandai memasak macam Mummy kan? Aku masak alar kadar boleh laa kot ;p

Hari aku balik lewat dari kerje, biaselah kalau dah kene PM shift dah nak dekat tgh malam laa jugak balik. Tapi tadikan dapat laa jugak tgk group team Coach Aiza wat lagu Lazy Song tuk competition tuh nanti. CUTE giler bebudak tuh! haha! pandai gak derang choreograph dance tuk lagu tuh. Hari nih tkde pape menarik kot kat tmpat keje, wat cm biase laaa kot layan customer tuk students attendance dan bende bende biase jhe laa. Just hari nih aku kene handle ticketing counter kejap. TOLONG. (cam sarcastic jhe kan? tkpe laa biarkan, tkmo cite skang & malas nak ingat ingat blk ;p )

Bile balik umah, 1st time aku masuk umah Mummy tak tunggu aku balik. Selalunye Mummy mesti ade baring kat depan tv or kat dapur or kat mesin jahit. Patu hug Mummy then baru aku makan. Tapi hari nih masuk rumah terus gi dapur makan. Joji cakap Mummy dah tido :( . So lepas aku makan 2 pinggan terak tuh, aku naek atas tgk Mummy dalam bilik, Mummy dah tido? Tapi macam biaselah, aku kacau Mummy lompat atas katel. Hehe! Saje nak dengar suare Mummy. Mummy cakap, Mummy mala nih saket sgt, ape Mummy buat hari nih sume tak jadi. Masak pown tak betul. Tapi aku cakap "Eyh! Sedaplaa Mummy, Safa makan banyak." Memang sedaplaa, mmg laa ade rase kurang sket, maybe kuah die banyak kot tapi rase die still sedap. Nih kalu Mimi ade laaa, lagi banyak die makan dari Safa. Ngehhh! Mummy cakap hari nih memang badan Mummy saket sgt :( tak suke laa dengar Mummy cakap camtuhh! Mummy kan kuat. Mummy sorang sorang yg jage Safa time Safa comma dulu kan? Mummy mane boleh cakap macam tuh! Safa tknak Mummy saket, Safa tknak Mummy pergi dulu.

8th JUNE 2011

Dear Diary,

Kenapelah Mummy suke sgt suruh Safa buat Potato Salad? Sedap sangat ke Potato Salad yg Safa buat? Maca biase jhe Safa rase, tapi sedaplaa jugak macam kat Kenny Rogers nye tuh. hahaha! Boleh tak? Lepas tuh dah petang siket tanye Mummy, "Mummy nak masak ape untuk mala karang?" "Ish! mane aku larat, tgk aku menjahit nih pon dah sakit belakang dah" "Takpelaa Safa masak. Mummy nak makan ape?" ;p . Memule Mummy tak caye aku offer nak masak. Tapi memang Mummy tau kot yang aku nih suke memasak, kalau jadi jadilah, kalau tak jadi hangusla gamaknye. Hahaah ;p . So setuju nak masak mihun, memule Mummy suruh masak sup ikan tapi aku tak suke makan sup-sup nih, sup ayam ke sup daging ke sup ikan ke, NEHI! So tgh masak sume tetibe Mummy bersuare "Sedap bau!" heeee, aku dah bangge dah tapi diam jhe sebab takot mihun tuh hangus lak. Dah siap masak sume, hidanglaa nak makan. "Sedap ke ma?" "Ok laa macam Mummy masak" pergh! Tak terkire terangkat aku! Tapi tgh makan makan tuh teringat gak dekat Daddy, ape lah Daddy makan kat Bangi tuh. Daddy kat Bangi sebab Daddy kene babysit Aisyah. Mummy nak jage Aisyah memang Mummy tak larat dah, sejak Mummy kene bone cancer nih & sekarang pulak liver cancer mmg pergerakkan terbatas siket. Aku sekarang nih pown kene belajar untuk berjimat

Sejak Daddy jage Aisyah kat Bangi, Mummy cakap Daddy dah banyak berubah, dah mule bersabar. Daddy pown dah agak mule boleh dengar cakap dan mule berdiam and kalau ade masalah, selalu rujuk dekat Mummy. Aku pown sejak Mummy sakit teruk nih, aku dah mule rapat dengan Mummy. Nak kate gaduh tuh kurang laa siket, patu memalam bile Daddy takde, aku yg selalu temankan Mummy tido. Mummy selalu pesan "Hidup nih banyak cabaran tapi walau ape pown kite buat, jangan buat perkare dose dose besar. Jangan sesekali" & "Jangan sesekali sakitkan hati orang, biar orang sakitkan hati kite takpe, biar hati kite luke. Jangan sesekali kite nak membalas. Bace Al-Quran, berdoa. Allah ade sentiase menolong" Banyak kate kate semangat dan nasihat yg Mummy pesan kat aku setiap kali nak tidur. Kekadang ade jugak Mummy cerite time time Mummy mude mude dulu dengan kawan kawan sume, sebab kekadang bile Mummy tgk muke aku muram sunyi jhe, Mummy mulelaa bercerite, cerite yg paling aku suke, cmne Daddy nak mengorat Mummy dulu.

Dear Diary,

I'm starting fresh and new. But I still don't know what am I going to write/blog. One thing for sure it will about me, my life, my experiences and nothing else. I'm growing up and there is still miles ahead on what I'm going through and I'm sure it will be full of surprises and emotional's. I hope it will be a beautiful journey of life that I'm willing to share.