LABELS

Dear Diary,
                 Im suppose to write about Chiang Mai. But later laaa ;p I passed my last semester! Yeay! is the hardest semester ever! And I got through. I never even thought that Ill get through Strategic because the assignment 1 I pass it up after the dateline and I was actually being ready to be prepared to resit the exam ;p. but I got through..heee.... :D

                Last weekend is the most fun weekend ever! I got to know my results and Im with my love ones. Lepas Mummy meninggal, I need someone or something that can remind me of Mummy, so sedare mare aQ belah Mummy lah! Mak We and Mak Ngah. Even their face resembles Mummy and their voice, the way they talked it somehow sooth my heartache and filled the hole that I had inside my heart. Ok Im not going to talk about that actually, even though Im at the peak of happiness in these pass few days :)

                What am I going to write is, in these few months, I dont know why, I started to open up myself and starting to giving myself a chance to meet and know new people. Even though these people is not the people that knows me for all these years like my besties, DCB and AALK but hey! What is the harm if I give myself a chance and even though chances of having a heart break is high but this is LIFE :)

               But I told myself and remind myself "No labeling". Labeling to me is like 'we are an item' 'couple' 'bf gf' and that kind of crap. Its not I dont want to be in love of have someone special, (seriously, who on earth doesnt want that??) and its not Im not ready but Im kind of sick of labeling. So now, I want just to be friends, maybe close friends if he wants to know me more, be comfortable with each other, get to know each other and get to adjust ourselves in having one more extra person in our life. Then when the right time comes, and we think that we suit for each other and our families can accept us, then........it happens when the time is right.

             My reason is, if being in a 'label' to me, it somehow giving the other person an authority to over power you or to control you and to me, the only person that control me is my husband and my dad and maybe my brothers ;p So I dont want just because u are my BF u rearrange my life and my priorities. Because dude, I do have a dream, needs and wants that I want to achieve, so basically until I am not tied in a legal tie (marriage) I have my own life and I dont want my partner or BF to miss out his opportunities too.

           Therefore, if we are just being friends, then we are freely to do the things that we love to do, achieve what we want to achieve and at the same time trying to figure out if we are suitable together. Friends with Benefits? Ahaks, that is another story, not now ;p So now, its time for me to make new friends :) And whoever is my 'The One' will come when the time is right at the most unexpected unconscious situation. aQ pown ade cakap gak dengan orang orang yg aQ kenal cam arituh kat Abg G, cousin aQ or my other friends "Kalau ade nak kenalkan, kenal kan laaa" Because I want that person to know me and I want to know that person first without any expectations, just friends and be comfortable with each other accompany. 

           Like the other day, there this one guy that I went out with (I still dont figure what name to put him ;p ) but we known each other through the power of the social network (not telling which one) for sometime and I actually asked him to come down to skate and that is our first meet and it was the most funniest day in my whole life to see him skate ;p then the other day, we went for mcD and just recently he asked me to accompany him for a a movie and the day I did saw him as a bit moody and the whole day we actually didnt talked much, 98% silence only small talk "nak makan ape" "nak duduk mane" and that sort of conversations. And when I went back, he Whatsapp me and asked "Marah ke?" then "No why?" then he apologized for the awkward date because there something happen earlier that brings down his mood and that is the reason he want to just lepak with me. And I was like "Its ok, actually I did noticed ur mood and its actually fun! I dont have to figure out what to say and how to react around u, I actually enjoyed ur company even though we didnt talk :) " and he replied "Yeah me too and u nampak cute sangat when u jumping around dekat Parkson tengok baju tadi.." and the conversation went on until 1am.......................................and we are FRIENDS :) 

      So anyone wants to know me ;p hehe! Other then reading my blog, just give me a heads up! ~wink~

Dear...............

Dear Mummy,

Do you see me cry?

Every time I'm lost, blinded by a fool.

Do you feel my pain?

Every time my heart is shattering like a broken window to ashes,

and I'll be hiding under the table for peace.

Do you hear me scream?

Every time when my hope, faith and dream is one gap further away from me.

Mummy,

I never wondered my life without you.

I never like to see you weak.

I hate to see you in pain.

And I get angry to know that you are sick.

I blame myself for losing you.

I wounded myself for every pain and tears that I caused you.

Mummy,

I know Allah loves you more than I do,

and my prayers was being answered:

"If there only 1 choice for not letting my Mummy bare the pain is to let her go. Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku, dengan belas kasihan Mu please take a good care of Mummy.."

And, that morning.

Maybe He wanted me to say "Goodbye" by,

whispering the Syahadah to your ear.