????

Dear Diary,

          mmmmmmmm....daaaaaaaa.....pppprrrrrrrrrrrrr....uuuuuuuu......gugugaga......aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.. Research researh research........ zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!~ 

         Haaa! Lupe....no more PB! hiks! Dah dia tak suke, what to do....da di du.... Owh! I have MACADO! Macado-do-do!!! Who is tht who is tht??? hehehe, later I will story the morry okey and...........theres this newbie in town...hehe!Its been AWHILE since my last post...and you never change a BIT! Hehe, its good to have something that u no need to change like clothes kan!!?? Am I making sense? Owh well, most of the time..........................NOT! ;p

       Im working on my thesis now, just wanna say HELLO and ADIOS actually.....so later!~


p/s: dah pepagi bute macam nih, tambah pulak dengan sejuk hujan....... RINDU LAA PULAK!!! haih!!~ I wish he knows that I miss himmmm...............tp tadi die leh cite yg he saw the picture :( huhu! Ouh well....takpelaa as long as I keep my mind straight and think positive (even a bit tiny bitsy itsy jealous) and try my very top on the world best!!~ haip! But kalau tak dapat gak, hanya Allah saje tahu kenape.....

SALAM RAMADAN :)

Dear Diary,
          Salam Ramadan semua! :) Tak terlewat lagi kan nak ucap SELAMAT MENYAMBUT BULAN PUASA, puase jangan tak puase ;p This Ramadan is the first Ramadan that I have to go through without Mummy. Memanglaa menangis dan sayu sambut Ramadan tahun nih tapi aQ tahu, aQ kena kuat sebab banyak lagi Ramadan yang akan aQ sambut tanpa Mummy. aQ kena cuba sesuaikan diri tanpa Mummy.

         On the first day of Ramadan I tried to cook Mummy's most favorite dish iaitu Rendang Kerang! Confident gila aQ boleh execute Rendang Kerang tuh, confident nih! Sekali time berbuke, terlebih terkuat laa pulak rencah dan rempah dalam rendang tuh..haha! Banyak bende yang aQ masak sejak dua menjak nih, lebih lebih lagi aQ dah habis exam. Ye aQ ingat, aQ masih lagi ada Research...Questionnaire tak buat buat lagi kan?? Mati aQ! ;p 

        Tapi sebelum datangnye bulan Ramadan, macam last year laa aQ bersihkan rumah, cuci, sapu, mop kemas sume biar lantai rumah nih nampak berkilat :) Nanti mana laa tahu Insya Allah Mummy nak datang jenguk rumah nih, biar tersenyum Mummy macam senyuman terakhir dia tuh tgk anak bongsu perempuan die kemas rumah :)))

       Tapi kan Mummy, Safa rindu sangat kat Mummy. Setakat bulan puasa nih Safa selalu masak and every time Safa masak, mesti teringatkan Mummy "kan best kalau Mummy dapat rase ape Safa masak...." Pastu Safa ingat yang Mummy pernah cerite yang Mummy suke tanam pokok, kat rumah Kelana Jaya dulu ade banyak sangat pokok, pokok sayur, pokok bunga, pokok rambutan pon ade, tapi Safa cube tanam pokok herbs je laa ek ;p nak tengok ade bakat tak.

       Well for the time being, nih je laaa routine aQ. Duduk rumah, bangun pagi, pergi pasar, balik rumah, masak, basuh baju (lupe nnt kena lipat baju yg dah berlonggok depan katil aQ nih, sebab 'cuti' pon nak abeh dah, nnt tkde tmpt nak solat lak..) basuh pinggan dan lain lain. Memang aQ tkde life pown kalau nak ikutkan, tapi kenape tkde pulak kan? Ape yg aQ buat skang nih laa LIFE aQ sekarang. Bukan takde life but changing the way of life ;p 

        Owh ye, tadi masak berbuke Mee Kari ;p Boleh pulak Mak Afiq nak bg aQ mee kuning, mee goreng dah buat semalam, so mee kari laa hari nih kan. Memang aQ tk pernah buat Mee Kari sebelum nih tp try laa jugak kan denga confident level yg tinggi. Sekali menjadi laa plak...ngeee! Sedap lak tuh (BANGGE) siap buat begerdil tuh, haaa jgn main main ;p Kalau tak disebabkan mee kuning mamat tuh laa, aQ takkan tahu yg aQ reti masak Mee Kari ;p Muuuaaaahahaahahah!!~

THE LAVANDULA PROJECT: LAVENDER CUSTARD

Dear Diary,
         The story begins a few days ago when I wanted to make trifle for Iftar. When making the custard I suddenly realized that I had ran out Vanilla Essence (suspend sound PLEASE!!) So as for me trying to be wacky different, think out of the box wanna be I said "Never mind lah! Use what I have only.." 

         Initially I wanted to incorporate lavender leaves with the custard (one portion) and the other portion make it as normal adding vanilla. But since there is no vanilla, so I grated some lemon zest.

        So, there are 2 portion of custard for my trifle both is without vanilla essence! One is lavender custard and the other is lemon custard. The lemon custard is acceptable but you still feel like something is missing (is vanilla essence laaa) so ok whatever. But the lavender custard is really truly horrible!! It taste like EARTH plus cinnamon and rosemary and star anise and EARTH and then custard. It taste wrong.

       But since I have already tasted the taste of lavender, so I decided to give it another try with the presence of vanilla essence and also vary important! I HAD FINELY CHOP THE LEAVES TO FINE FINE FINE CHOP. So the video under is the review. 

      Sorry people, the video review is mostly Im speaking Malay or Bahasa Melayu. It's because it is my first video of making a review so Im a bit nervous and scare if I mumble and say wrong words, hehe ;p But the conclusion is, you can infuse the lavender inside your delicate custard, but make sure its with vanilla essence. I had read about lavender with lemon, but I havent try it yet and therefore, for my future videos, Ill try my best to converse it in English so that all my out-of-sudden reader can understand.

ENJOY!!

   

GIVE MY HEART A BREAK (dah cam lirik lagu lak da! ;p )

Dear Diary,
         kalau aQ ade guts macam dalam mimpi aQ kan best! ;p Buat selambe rono je gi kat that guy and say "Saya sukekan awak lebih dari seorang kawan. Tapi kalau awak tak sukekan saya, saya tak kesah.." patu blah! Macam tuh je ;p Tapi ko gile aQ nak buat macam tuh in real life??? Mahu terkencing aQ dalam seluar sebelum mengeluarkana perkataan pertama. Bende lain suruh buat boleh laa aQ buat, tp confess mengonfess nih.......NAH! 

        But a dream is a dream laa kan. Sebelum aQ tidur pon, I cry myself to sleep. Kenape menangis? Ntahlaaa, maybe rase rindu kot, rindu dengan sunyi. aQ tahu yang aQ ade banyak bende nak kena buat, study, skate, masak, kemas, study, skate ;p and banyak bende yang aQ dream of that needs more then just being hardworking. But dalam diri aQ nih, dalam jiwa aQ nih, memang dah kosong. Macam otak aQ tahu aQ kena buat nih dan tuh, but hati aQ macam....mmmmmmm aaaaaaaaaa dduuuhhhhhhhhhhh....

        Nak study pon macam, seriously I had already tried so many methods to get me studying but I just dont have my heart to do it! Banyak sangat ke setan bergayut dalam hati aQ nih??? If can there only be a person to give my heart back or a way that I can do to get my heart back, please lead me to the person or show me the way~ 

I'M A.........................?

Dear Diary,

I'm not a god,

Nor a goddess.

I'm not perfect,

Nor entirely broken.

I'm not famous,

Nor a total stranger.

I'm not pretty,

Nor I'm hideous.

I'm not 100% true,

Nor I'm fake.

I don't know who I am,

Nor even you.

But I know something.

I'm cute.

I'm fair.

I'm not tall.

I'm not short.

I'm dumb but in a smart way.

I'm hardworking.

I'm honest.

I'm a day dreamer.

I'm a night dreamer.

I'm talkative in my head.

I'm passive but active.

I'm a fan of McD.

I'm Lovin It!

Basically, I am ME :)

ANGRY, MAD OR SAD??

Dear Diary,
         I am not angry, Im just sad. So sad to think how foolish I was to be easily to trust someone? Am I that desperate? Oh gosh! I still remember how stubborn I was, how incredibly hard heart-ed I was and how difficult for me to trust someone especially the opposite gender, for God sake, I couldnt even trust my own family back then, so how am I suppose to trust someone that is not my family?!? 

        But I guess, that was then, I think. Is it because that Im now aging? Or because since Mummy passed, I just need someone? Or Im just simply desperate?? Oh Safawati Kamaruddin, how low can I be to be that desperate? Remember the pack that I made to myself? Remember all the hate and the avenges that I carried all this while and what I had been through that has been caused the pain in me physically and mentally??

       Its normal for people to have heart, but its not typical when a person that had been through all that pain, lies, betrayal and just fucked-up-gentlemen has a brain to actually willing themselves to go through all that AGAIN?? So now, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??!!?? 

        I know that God let this situation to happen is to test me, whether Im strong enough to face this and if Im capable to keep the promise to myself. But I am surely, entirely so sure that I had FAIL the test terribly with flying colours!! ALL RED! 

        Gosh! I hate my life! Why cant I just go through something that is less hurtful, something that wont my heart ache or stomach curls and twists. Something that wont break my heart to pieces. Why cant I just have a happy life?   

IS PB? OR IS PB NOT?

Dear Diary,
          Was PB just a mistake? If PB was a mistake, thank God I knew it early so that I dont have to been through in deep shit as what I had been through with DCB. It was horrible and terrifying! But what if PB was not a mistake, maybe PB was just scared. I think I might be able to rely to what PB has been through. Yurp! 

           What can be much more hurtful then knowing your so called loving-boyfriend is married to your own kakak Angkat after I woke up from that dreadful comma....KAN!!! Love much?!? Stupid bloody-hell men. And also knowing that DCB had promised you to be with you and had your back no matter what happen and best friends till death tear us apart......but with a simple blow-off, everything flew away, away, away and away.

           Men. Will always be known by their sweet talks, promises that in the end will be just bullshit and theatrical drama. Will PB falls in the same category. Cause if PB does, men please dont do this to me. I cant really truly take it anymore. I know you know that it hurts, so please dont do this to me. Just go when you still can, go when its still early. 

          But if you are not in the same category as them, please stay, because I am getting used to have you around and I like it. So which one are you PB?