Just Another Day

Dear Diary,
           I think Ill fail my Managing People paper :( I know I still have 1 more week to prepare but I just have no confident on it. I sucks on my assignments! I flunk my 1st assignment horribly, like seriously horrible!! I got like 8.2/20%...its not even half! and how am I suppose to be confident on passing this paper?

          Ouh well, if Im being the positive me Ill just say "I can do it!" "work harder! DOUBLE THE EFFORT" but the truth is........THERE IS NO ANY TRUTH, JUST THE REALITY! And tomorrow, well I have Skate Malaysia 2012, ice skating competition..yea me! Ice skating...cant believe it? Well Im not professional like I was in Taekwondo but just wanted to try sumting new. ;p I think, only that can make me smile now. Tho Im freaking nervous, I treat this as an experience, I jst noe Ill be laugh at but what the heck! EXPERIENCE~

(Ill doing this & I sucks on it!) ;p

       
              WISH GOOD LUCK FOR ME, TOMORROW :)

Shadow

Dear Diary,
           I have nothing to say except to spill out words of regrets that is now overlapped by the hard-work of happiness :)

           Well it goes like this; If you treat as a shadow, then I will treat you like one too. Life is about karma & karma can sometimes be a bitch when it comes and smack back in your face. So, I am not that desperate.

Thank you.

Soalan Dari Mummy

Dear Diary,
            Terkejut gak aQ bile Mummy tetibe tanye "Dia dah habis belaja dah?" aQ dah laa tgh kerah otak nak buat assignment, terhenti kejap otak aQ kejap bile dengar soalan tuh patu tgk muka Mummy. Mummy tgh duduk kat sebelah meja makan (I used the dining table as my study table bcoz of the ample space ;p ) berdepan ngn aQ. aQ pown jawab "Dia tgh sebok dengan FYP dia kot, bcoz his friends is also doing the same thing.......I guess". Mummy guna perkataan 'DIA' tp dari raut wajah Mummy tuh aQ dpt capture maksud 'DIA' Mummy tuh is refering to tht particular someone that I used to be close-friend with. Then Mummy tanye lagi "Its middle of the year, selalunye dah habis laa kan?" then I answered "I actually dont know about him anymore! (its screaming out loud inside my heart but tak cakap pon, yg aQ cakap is) Tak kot, sbb kalau tgkkan budak budak UITM sume baru nak exam kot, cam my friends kat penang dulu Nisa sume..." dengan confident-nya aQ jawab soalan tuh, tp padahalnye betul ataw tak aQ sendiri tk pasti.

           Terkesima tuh memang terkesima tp pada masa yg same pown hati aQ pown terase gak pedihnye. Mane taknye, memang laa aQ dah delete dia dr friendlist aQ sejak suatu hari datangnya satu msg dalam inbox menanyakan aQ suatu soalan 'Hi, u sape ek?' tgk name tak kenal so aQ pergi laa profile, check punye check kawan kpd kawan aQ tuh laa. Menurut sejarah, this will never turn out well. So, nak tk nak aQ delete msg tuh dan sekali gus aQ delete laa sekali 'DIA' yg Mummy tanye tuh. Dramatik kan! So sebab tuh laaa aQ macam terkilan siket tadi, but nak buat macam mane kan bak ape yg die suke cakap "dah takdir..." hmmm so takdir, kalu ade takdir bertembung blk, kalu tkde separate ways laa kite yeee...

           Tapi ye laa, dah berbulan tk tanye tetibe lak Mummy tanye? Haih! ade telekinatik ke ape? hurmp! Whatever laaaa, I still consider him as my friend despite everything dat has happen, just let the 'takdir' be da judge ;p SAFAWATI KAMARUDDIN................STUDY!!!~

The Boy I Once Knew

The boy I once knew

He could relate life to mine

The boy I once knew

He brighten up my life

He lift me up

When I'm drowning and I couldn't breath

He look up to me

As I would fly away, keep me near

He would make me laugh

As there nothing else I could had feared

He will be beside me

As I falling down, shed a tear

The boy I once knew

He won't back down from a fight

The boy I once knew

He work his way up to the sky

He knows how to find me

When I'm hiding down on my knees

He shows me the light

When the candle were blown by the wind

He gave me the courage

For me to go on with my dreams

He will say "I'm sorry"

When I'm the one should had been blamed

I should had never pushed you away

So please forgive me, be here and stay

Fly away

To the years

To the place where we first met

To the promises that had been broken

To the stories that never ends

Fly away

Don't come back

Leave me here shattered and broken

I'll be back up to take on my dreams

Without you holding the pieces

The boy I once knew

He would relate life to mine

Safawati Kamaruddin,  23 June 2012

p/s: It's actually the 4th song I written. It just I don't know how to play any music instrument to make up the melody. I wish I have the skills to play any music instrument but I don't. So I do writing instead! :)

A Stepping Stone; Garden Of Light

Dear Diary,
            Finally it is OVER! I want to scream out loud that this thing is over, finish, finito! ;p But whatever it is, I do had fun and experienced a lot of things during this 3 months process. Sometime, things happen weirdly, the things that I really planned early, throughoutly and specificly tak menjadi. But the things that had been rejected is the one that fit the picture perfectly.


           For this event, I chose to be in charge of the decorations. And since the theme is Garden of Light so, the first thing tht came out to my otak is Fullhouse and i-City. How on earth I want to combine that 2 venues  in The Dining Room? But I did managed to proposed sumting to the board & the board seems to agree. Throughout the way of making this decoration a success, banyak sangat halangan yg ditempuh. Assignments jangan cakaplaa, group work, presentations and peperangan dalam board members tuh sendiri. If I let my feelings get over me, I think I already quit. But I tried to hard to control myself from doing that because I think that if I cant survive this, Ill not going to survive the real world. Masalah tuh tetap akan berlaku walau kite kat mane pown. Cume yang bezakan aQ dengan orang lain, Im not a QUITTER & I wont WALK-OUT from my problems, walau sakit macam mane hati, walau its the most frustrated thing in the world. If aQ yg bertanggungjawab, aQ tkkn mudah mengalah!


         From this journey, I get to noe and understand more on people behaviour. Kalu tengokkan, memang this event has bring out the true colours of everyone, including me. Macam tak percaya pon ada, tapi when the thing became so stressful u just want to let it go, then dari situ perwatakkan seseorang akan lebih menyerlah. Even how much u want to hide it, u just cant. I can categorized a few of the personalities. 1st is the 'Bossy' type; suruh sarah orang lain sana sini but diri sendiri tak de laa berape banyak sangat nak contribute. 2nd is the 'Dreamer' type; want this and that, promise to this and that, and want people make this and that but in the end, nothing. 3rd is the 'You-Know-All' type; taw semua bende but bile datang dekat hal sendiri, tak taw nak buat macam mane. 4th the 'Its-Not-My-Problem' type; the event is a group work, yes it was separated to different department and responsibilities, but it is still a group work not individual and others dont have to bother. 5th the 'Lets-Do-This' type; wow! this person is the most bersemangat punya orang sampai sanggup korbankan sume bende yg has the same level of priority. 6th is the 'Team Player'; from this event, I know which people are really FRIENDS or a TEAM and who is NOT.


          From this event to, had pushed out people unwanted or unnoticed capabilities & qualities. Sebanarnya tak sedar pown yang diri sendiri boleh pergi sejauh itu. U just dont realised that u have that talent hidden inside and this event Garden of Light does really shine the talent inside you. Good or bad talent dosent really matter, kalau the talent is good just polish it up more laaa, if the talent is bad, then if u notice u have to do sumting about it, FAST!


          My dreams in the end of the day is to open up an event planning business and also a restaurant and an owner of McDonald franchise ;p So event nih, mmg aQ anggap macam satu pengalaman yg paling berharga, cos this is the thing that Ill going to do after all. Penat memanglaa penat, but this is wat I want so this is the struggle that I have to go with. Sebab tuh blog kali nih tajuk dia 'A Stepping Stone' cz event and responsibility tht I hold yg lebih membuatkan aQ yakin with my dreams. I now that I still need to learn more, this one event its not enough, there are a lot lot lot more to learn. And there are things that I need to improve such as temper, time management, planning, control, trust and details. My working together skill still need to brush up, well that is basically fall into 'trust'. I do not trust people easily, so that is the reason why I tend to do all the things on my own.


         Anything, anything we do in this world will get feedbacks. Anything and everything and even how hard we try to be perfect but still received a negative input. Tuh biasela kan, human wil never be perfect. But that is not an excuse to not to be perfect or to not improved ourselves. Comments yg Mr D bagi at the end of the event, mmg sesuatu yg mengejutkan and unpredictable. But what he say its true, we are just to focus on one thing until forgets the other details. The small small touch or things yg kita pikir its just a small matter but if we noticed that matter and see it as a big matter, it will make a big difference to the whole event. Be precise, sense of urgency, observe and react sangat sangat IMPORTANT in running an event. Well, eventho ada rase sedih but I take Mr D feedback as an important wake-up-call to improve myself and I do take it personally but in a way that I will prove to him that I can be that person one day!


         So, u want to see what is the end result of my responsibilities? Here it goes :)

Before i forget! THANK YOU TO ALL THE PEOPLE THAT HELPED ME TO MAKE MY GARDEN OF LIGHT CAME TRUE :) I LOVE YOU ALL <3

What Influenced Me?

Dear diary,

         What influenced me the most? POLITICS! haahahaah! kidding :p Its my family of course! And my environment of me growing up. Well, not all Id been influenced my family coz, Mummy had a sewing business & hell no hack nothing I know about sewing. In fact, Im terrified to use the machine ;p For environment, well since I was 8 if Im not mistaken, Id been moving here and there like pulling-rope kindda of sort. First, I moved to Shah Alam, then to Langkawi, and then back to Shah Alam. Even in Shah Alam itself, Id moved to few houses that Id lost count! No la, kidding ;p its 1, 2, 3, 4....9 house! Lets make it 10 coz now Im in Subang..BINGGO! In a way, I do feel it change my characters a lot. Pindah tuh mmg susah, penat lepas tuh kena sesuaikan diri bukan senang. But trough that experience, Id learned to adapt myself to situations. Macam sesumpah gitu ;p Yea, I think I can survive if you put me or campak me in different kind of places with different kind of culture and environment. Cause, what I noticed Im the kind of person that can carry myself and just hangout or even talk to a complete and new person or you may call it strangers :D

          Maybe, I got that from my family. Mummy has a great way to alliances with people especially the Chinese. I think that is the reason why I can survive in Sunway ;p the way she talk, impressed me. So, as a result me myself I was complimented by the customers and guests about me competency and politeness when handling then and Im the most likable :) Macam suck-ass kan! pprrfffttt~ to bad, it actually happen :D The others, maybe because I was the youngest and the age gap is a GAP, so Im not so close to my siblings, is not I dont want to but I refused to just because "they are old! and Im young!" (useless reason right) well due to that reason and mindset until now I dont think Im able to get close to my brothers and sisters. I tried but it feels so awkward somehow. So influenced by them.....not likely or I just didnt noticed it yet.

           Friends. Aha! Do not forget about them. Even though we are close but I have my own way in bringing myself. Maybe, there are bits and parts of me that get influenced by them. Well, they were the one the initiate my social life. So, i dont what to put after 'so'. Teachers? To me they are not influencing but INSPIRING, for that I think Ill write in another blog.

Feelings are Old

Dear diary,

           Something that is new yet the feelings is still old. I know what Im doing but yet I dont quite figure it out. Im not confused, actually I know what I want & what will I do or even have but the feeling of incomplete still hunting me every time. Sometimes, I do feel like throwing it away & just keep moving on but every time Im alone & down, when I look besides me, Im the only person that exist in the room. Its not I dont want to share, but who I can trust? The person that I trust has betrayed me or in the beginning Im the one that was on denial. I will forever be in denial until a person that can convince me secure me that Ill be alright. Before, I was so certain & so sure with who Im going to ended with but then everything become so blur & till now it just fades away. And I dont want to feel that way but its the ultimate truth that I have to face. Yes, life is tough & life is just not fair, when we want to succeed, life will bring us down & vise-versa.

p/s: One thing that I have learned about myself is, when Im angry Ill just shut-up & wont talk until my anger fades away. But it will just take a few minutes or hours then Ill be ok, just like nothing had happen before. But if the thing triggers my tears, Ill wont talk & even people who try to consult me Ill push it away. And for the time for me to calm down, it will take much longer time then before & the worst thing I wont forget but Ill pretend for the sake of good.