Dear Diary,
The feelings tht hunted me 2 years back are crawling inside my bones, eating it slowly as it creeps towards my heart. The feeling of disappointment and frustration. I am doubting my decisions of moving on and the questions of what if and why keeps popping into my super short hair head. Urgh!! I really hate this feelings. Why cant I just decide and stick to it and move on! Why it is so hard for me to let go this Double Cheese Burger HUMAN!! Is he really a human? Then why is he so over powering towards me? Every time I try to forget, the more I miss him, the more I cudnt let him go! This human or may not be human guy has a GF laa Uriey Safa! What am I still hoping for? Miracle? ALLAH already granted me 2 miracle by giving me chances to wake up from tht dreadful comma, twice Safa TWICE! What other miracle tht Im hoping for? Tht for tht human to come running back to me? Just like in my dream, tht the human will always be there for me? Dreams do come true, but in this situation 'the dream' will never come true. YA ALLAH please let me forget him, please let me forget tht human.
The moment I saw him at Subang Parade few weeks ago and quite a sweet girl talking and smiling, I just saw sparkles in the girl's pair of eyes. I did want to jump in and say hello, Oh my dear God, I really really do want to say Hello, its killing me right tht moment not to say hello. But when I saw tht human curik curik pandang at her and when he look away, she look at him, i just stopped and instead walking forward, im walking backwards. I dont want to turn my back on him and I know I was going the wrong way but I just had to when I bumped of one of the trainers at Celebrity Fitness. "Are you ok?" "I am not ok."
Mummy once told me tht "You dont have to end up with ur own circle of friends" and everytime I try to get bck to him by all the telco providers method but he jst shut me down, it feels like a dagger had reached its target, right into my soul. Mummy knows how Im feeling, she always look at me when Im down and hugged me and kissed my forehead "Its ok my princess, I will always love and be there for you. He is some guy tht didnt know how to appreciated the things tht u had given and done for him." And everytime I just let myself cry of shame and disappointment Mummy just say "He is a fool letting you go. He already break his promise towards you and the promise tht he told me. He is not worth it. You will find someone better." I know Mummy just saying to keep me calmed by saying tht but the truth is Mummy herself are fond to him. Tht is the biggest reason of my feelings, when I see him with Mummy they were so comfortable, and he and Daddy, thy almost shared the same interest and they just click since the very 1st time my parents met him, they are ngam like tht, like a fondant perfectly attached to a delicate cake. Mummy knows tht Id regretted on the things I had done. Even tho its not 100% caused by me, I may contributed like 28% of it, out of anger and rage and fear it is enough to destroy a friendship.
I always told Mummy tht we are just friends. But who am I to lie to her. Mummy knows me well, well enough to know where is my biggest scar on my body. She knows just looking into my eyes and my sadness tht I do have 'more thn friend' feelings towards him. But me being me, I denied it straight away! Im not the type of girl tht wants a fairy-tale romantic relationship, I just want an honest true relationship. But when I get it, I become to over protective thn when I started of losing grip, then is when Im starting to FREAK OUT! Mummy told me tht I am just like a white pearl, ugly and hard at the outside (shell) but once its open it becomes priceless but when the pearl is brushed and washed it become something beautiful and pricey. That is why Ustaz Hafiz gave me another name, Intan Baiduri (tht is how U-Riey came around).
Why do I have know this human? Why does this human have to come into my life? And why the heck Im giving this human a McDonald's nickname? I should give him a KFC's nickname instead! Like super hideous Crunchy Spicy Chicken...yuck! Why do I have to fall for this human? Well, the answer will be quite obvious i guess, its destined...TAKDIR.
The feelings tht hunted me 2 years back are crawling inside my bones, eating it slowly as it creeps towards my heart. The feeling of disappointment and frustration. I am doubting my decisions of moving on and the questions of what if and why keeps popping into my super short hair head. Urgh!! I really hate this feelings. Why cant I just decide and stick to it and move on! Why it is so hard for me to let go this Double Cheese Burger HUMAN!! Is he really a human? Then why is he so over powering towards me? Every time I try to forget, the more I miss him, the more I cudnt let him go! This human or may not be human guy has a GF laa Uriey Safa! What am I still hoping for? Miracle? ALLAH already granted me 2 miracle by giving me chances to wake up from tht dreadful comma, twice Safa TWICE! What other miracle tht Im hoping for? Tht for tht human to come running back to me? Just like in my dream, tht the human will always be there for me? Dreams do come true, but in this situation 'the dream' will never come true. YA ALLAH please let me forget him, please let me forget tht human.
The moment I saw him at Subang Parade few weeks ago and quite a sweet girl talking and smiling, I just saw sparkles in the girl's pair of eyes. I did want to jump in and say hello, Oh my dear God, I really really do want to say Hello, its killing me right tht moment not to say hello. But when I saw tht human curik curik pandang at her and when he look away, she look at him, i just stopped and instead walking forward, im walking backwards. I dont want to turn my back on him and I know I was going the wrong way but I just had to when I bumped of one of the trainers at Celebrity Fitness. "Are you ok?" "I am not ok."
Mummy once told me tht "You dont have to end up with ur own circle of friends" and everytime I try to get bck to him by all the telco providers method but he jst shut me down, it feels like a dagger had reached its target, right into my soul. Mummy knows how Im feeling, she always look at me when Im down and hugged me and kissed my forehead "Its ok my princess, I will always love and be there for you. He is some guy tht didnt know how to appreciated the things tht u had given and done for him." And everytime I just let myself cry of shame and disappointment Mummy just say "He is a fool letting you go. He already break his promise towards you and the promise tht he told me. He is not worth it. You will find someone better." I know Mummy just saying to keep me calmed by saying tht but the truth is Mummy herself are fond to him. Tht is the biggest reason of my feelings, when I see him with Mummy they were so comfortable, and he and Daddy, thy almost shared the same interest and they just click since the very 1st time my parents met him, they are ngam like tht, like a fondant perfectly attached to a delicate cake. Mummy knows tht Id regretted on the things I had done. Even tho its not 100% caused by me, I may contributed like 28% of it, out of anger and rage and fear it is enough to destroy a friendship.
I always told Mummy tht we are just friends. But who am I to lie to her. Mummy knows me well, well enough to know where is my biggest scar on my body. She knows just looking into my eyes and my sadness tht I do have 'more thn friend' feelings towards him. But me being me, I denied it straight away! Im not the type of girl tht wants a fairy-tale romantic relationship, I just want an honest true relationship. But when I get it, I become to over protective thn when I started of losing grip, then is when Im starting to FREAK OUT! Mummy told me tht I am just like a white pearl, ugly and hard at the outside (shell) but once its open it becomes priceless but when the pearl is brushed and washed it become something beautiful and pricey. That is why Ustaz Hafiz gave me another name, Intan Baiduri (tht is how U-Riey came around).
Why do I have know this human? Why does this human have to come into my life? And why the heck Im giving this human a McDonald's nickname? I should give him a KFC's nickname instead! Like super hideous Crunchy Spicy Chicken...yuck! Why do I have to fall for this human? Well, the answer will be quite obvious i guess, its destined...TAKDIR.
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