Dear Diary,
funny thing happen today. So early this morning I decided to go skating for practice. I just fail when any elements got to do with crossing ;p haha! But yea, went skating this morning. Saje nak nyebok, Tom Yam is really damn good for digestion but u kena letak serai halia sume laaa...semalam masak, hari nih sume keluar ;p
OK! back to the story. I met a friend, dah lama gilak tak jumpe and also he skate, so I was like kind of excited laa jumpe dia kan and to make things more clear, my friend was a HE. So tegur laa kan of course! Then borak tanya kabar and bla bla bla, he brought a friend which is a girl. But dia tkde laa introduce kawan pompan dia kat aQ. But she maybe her first time skate, so my friend (ok, name him Z) guide her laa in the rink. a while after that, they went out but Z came back in and skate so we skate together and at the same time we chatted laa kan, tkkn nak nari hindustan kat dalam rink tuh...hahaa!
Make long story short, the girl (name her A) get a bit confius I assume and ask me a question. I was outside resting on the bench at this time and Z was still inside skating. Me and A talked at first, normal talk talk laa then she popped up the question:
A: U dgn Z kawan dari bile?
Me: Dari mule skate dulu, last year kot..
A: U mmg skate ekh?
Me: Ha'ah, dulu saje saje je but skang bleh jd student lak..
A: OOoooOoo....
A: U dgn Z ade pape ke, sbb dia tk pernah pon sebut pasal U..?
Me: (terkejut!) Ade ape yg cmne? Z ngn I kawan skate je..tk lepak pon lepas skate...
A: ouh....
When I tried to look at her face, her face was a bit red and serious...
Me: U..sorry ek, kalau U risau I ngn Z, we both dont go more then just friends and by the way, I dont even like or into guys. (straight poker face! And with confidence!)
A: What?
Me: (I just nodded spontaneously)
Patu ape lagi....cabut masuk ice rink laa kan! muaahahaahah! then at 12.30 noon I decided to went home laa, dari kul 7am kot ade kat rink..tercaboot kaki bai! Sekali whatsapp masuk
Z: Weh! A ade cite...betul ke?
Me: Betul mende?? (wat wat tktaw)
Z: Ko gay?
Me: Gay ke guy?
Z: That U dont like guys.....
Me: U think???
Z: Ur haircut got style already..... ;p
Me: Ham-sap lu! hahaahahaaha....
The other conversations, I no need to put here ok...panjang........................ ;p
Moral of the story is, even tho Im gay or les or even straight is not the point. The important point is Ill do anything for a friend. Friends that is around me are very important to me, and Ill do anything to protect them especially my close friends and sometimes I do get misunderstood but as long as my friends knows who I am, Im ok with it. So before he got scolding free free from his gf-wanna-be-and-spoiled, better save him and ME! ;p
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Monday, December 10, 2012
Dense or Light: Fold or Whisk?
Dear Diary,
I learned something new today. Well, Im supposed or wanted to make cupcakes for Duween's 9th Birthday this Wednesday. And I picked up the book that Robin bought for me the other day and screen through the whole book and I actually rewind the scan and stopped at Cupcake Wedding Cake. The reason why I choose this recipe is not because is a 'Wedding' cupcake, but its because "Only this recipe that has the metrics for the butter and not using tbsp or lb or whatever!"
Before I actually started doing this, I did remembered that someone once told me that to fold the flour and this recipe actually asked u to fold the flour not to whisk it or whip it. But then I remembered, the last time I did cupcakes I just whisk it through all the ingredients into the machine and still produced nice delicious cuppies! So I decided to do some digging and what I found is, folding doesnt incorporate air to the flour but whisking will. OK! I have no idea what it does to the actual cake. So being the genius I would call 'me' I would want to be Albert Einstein for tonight and actually experiment it! So I divide the recipe to 2 portion and A is fold and B is whisk.
So whisk then fold, another one whisk then whisk. Bake. Wallaaa! Let it cool 1st. Wash all the used plates, spoons, whisk, tupperwares and whatever lah that has been used for this genius experiment. Then only tasting time! :D Before that, I actually realized that, the fold method actually rise more then the whisk method. Whisk method did rise, but a little, so if I want to used the whisk method I would want to fill my cuppies a bit more then half of the cuppies case. Ok the tasting part! nom nom nom! The fold method actually produce more dense cake then the whisk. It means, when u bite to Exhibit A you will feel the crumbling of the cake from the top of the cake to the middle to the bottom and you will chew a little bit more laa (unless you are a person that bite and swallow). Exhibit B, the whisk method has produced a cake that is lighter, a bit crunchy at the outer layer (up and bottom) then after that is like bristles runs to your teeth then straight down. And I personally prefer the Exhibit B to be 'My Kind of Cupcake'. <3
But the only thing that need to be concerned when doing this method. I really need to control the whisking, not to over whisked unless I want my batter to be spoil :( So if anyone who read this part of diary of mine. The Exhibit B method need to be practice and by the way, Practice Makes Perfect :D
So tomorrow Ill be decorating the cakes, since its already 4am! Ill continue piping and drawing tomorrow. And if Im being an angel, Ill post some pictures tomorrow or the day after and after and after and after ;p A bit whoopie already, so better get going. Goodnight!
I learned something new today. Well, Im supposed or wanted to make cupcakes for Duween's 9th Birthday this Wednesday. And I picked up the book that Robin bought for me the other day and screen through the whole book and I actually rewind the scan and stopped at Cupcake Wedding Cake. The reason why I choose this recipe is not because is a 'Wedding' cupcake, but its because "Only this recipe that has the metrics for the butter and not using tbsp or lb or whatever!"
Before I actually started doing this, I did remembered that someone once told me that to fold the flour and this recipe actually asked u to fold the flour not to whisk it or whip it. But then I remembered, the last time I did cupcakes I just whisk it through all the ingredients into the machine and still produced nice delicious cuppies! So I decided to do some digging and what I found is, folding doesnt incorporate air to the flour but whisking will. OK! I have no idea what it does to the actual cake. So being the genius I would call 'me' I would want to be Albert Einstein for tonight and actually experiment it! So I divide the recipe to 2 portion and A is fold and B is whisk.
So whisk then fold, another one whisk then whisk. Bake. Wallaaa! Let it cool 1st. Wash all the used plates, spoons, whisk, tupperwares and whatever lah that has been used for this genius experiment. Then only tasting time! :D Before that, I actually realized that, the fold method actually rise more then the whisk method. Whisk method did rise, but a little, so if I want to used the whisk method I would want to fill my cuppies a bit more then half of the cuppies case. Ok the tasting part! nom nom nom! The fold method actually produce more dense cake then the whisk. It means, when u bite to Exhibit A you will feel the crumbling of the cake from the top of the cake to the middle to the bottom and you will chew a little bit more laa (unless you are a person that bite and swallow). Exhibit B, the whisk method has produced a cake that is lighter, a bit crunchy at the outer layer (up and bottom) then after that is like bristles runs to your teeth then straight down. And I personally prefer the Exhibit B to be 'My Kind of Cupcake'. <3
But the only thing that need to be concerned when doing this method. I really need to control the whisking, not to over whisked unless I want my batter to be spoil :( So if anyone who read this part of diary of mine. The Exhibit B method need to be practice and by the way, Practice Makes Perfect :D
So tomorrow Ill be decorating the cakes, since its already 4am! Ill continue piping and drawing tomorrow. And if Im being an angel, Ill post some pictures tomorrow or the day after and after and after and after ;p A bit whoopie already, so better get going. Goodnight!
Friday, November 9, 2012
I dont know what title to put?
Dear Diary,
I dont know how it is suppose to felt when someone tht u spend the life with for more then 40 years suddenly gone. Well I do feel sorry whenever I see him lying down the bed alone. Like earlier today, I wanted to go down and cooked dinner but make a detour to the toilet (I always use the master bedroom's toilet) then I saw him lying down taking his evening short-nap with Mummy's pillow lay by his side at Mummy's side of the bed being patted by him. We will always have our own pillows and pillow cases and boosters. Mummy says it always has our smell on it even though its freshly washed, so it will never mixed around or we will never used someones else pillow. So, we get used to it and plus our pillow is customized, its not like ordinary pillows in the super market. Our pillow is extra long and extra wide, I remembered one of my cousins mentioned "Bantal Anjang, boleh muat 2 orang tido.." :)
Even though I only glanced for few seconds then looked away. But deep in my heart, I know tht he misses Mummy a lot. Well, maybe I wouldn't know how does it feels like, cz Im not married yet. But I reckon that losing a mother is not as same as losing a wife. Bukan nak samekanlaa, aQ nih pown tak sampai 10 tahun kenal DCB pown skang bukan main susah nak lupekan dia, apentah lagi yg dah hidup bersama sama 40 tahun, siap ade 6 org anak dgn cucu lagi. Furthermore, most of the closes people to our family did said that Mummy was really had his back all this while, especially when he faced the rough phase of his life and carrier. But with Mummy's help, prayers and support they got through it all.
Well, Mummy will always got everyone's back. It's just who she is. She will never feel happy until she see that the people around her are happy. And she will go all out to help other people. Well she did left me with one person tht she wanted to help out, coz she really wants him to achieve his dreams (well me too). But I did contacted him to help him out, but it seems there is no respond from his side, sorry Ma I did tried.
When I think back for all this while and see how Mummy managed the family and Daddy. How she took care all of her responsibilities and routines. I suddenly feel scared. Scared because, if one day I get married can I manage my family like Mummy did? If later one of my children get sick, can I take care of him or her like she took care of me? Do I have the patience like she had? Do I have the strength and courage like she possessed? Even now Im taking care of this household IS NOT AN EASY TASKS OK! So, how does she managed all this? Magic? The only magic tht she had is love and Allah. I think that is how she manage it all~
I love u Ma, and I miss u. I hope I can be a women like u one day :)
I dont know how it is suppose to felt when someone tht u spend the life with for more then 40 years suddenly gone. Well I do feel sorry whenever I see him lying down the bed alone. Like earlier today, I wanted to go down and cooked dinner but make a detour to the toilet (I always use the master bedroom's toilet) then I saw him lying down taking his evening short-nap with Mummy's pillow lay by his side at Mummy's side of the bed being patted by him. We will always have our own pillows and pillow cases and boosters. Mummy says it always has our smell on it even though its freshly washed, so it will never mixed around or we will never used someones else pillow. So, we get used to it and plus our pillow is customized, its not like ordinary pillows in the super market. Our pillow is extra long and extra wide, I remembered one of my cousins mentioned "Bantal Anjang, boleh muat 2 orang tido.." :)
Even though I only glanced for few seconds then looked away. But deep in my heart, I know tht he misses Mummy a lot. Well, maybe I wouldn't know how does it feels like, cz Im not married yet. But I reckon that losing a mother is not as same as losing a wife. Bukan nak samekanlaa, aQ nih pown tak sampai 10 tahun kenal DCB pown skang bukan main susah nak lupekan dia, apentah lagi yg dah hidup bersama sama 40 tahun, siap ade 6 org anak dgn cucu lagi. Furthermore, most of the closes people to our family did said that Mummy was really had his back all this while, especially when he faced the rough phase of his life and carrier. But with Mummy's help, prayers and support they got through it all.
Well, Mummy will always got everyone's back. It's just who she is. She will never feel happy until she see that the people around her are happy. And she will go all out to help other people. Well she did left me with one person tht she wanted to help out, coz she really wants him to achieve his dreams (well me too). But I did contacted him to help him out, but it seems there is no respond from his side, sorry Ma I did tried.
When I think back for all this while and see how Mummy managed the family and Daddy. How she took care all of her responsibilities and routines. I suddenly feel scared. Scared because, if one day I get married can I manage my family like Mummy did? If later one of my children get sick, can I take care of him or her like she took care of me? Do I have the patience like she had? Do I have the strength and courage like she possessed? Even now Im taking care of this household IS NOT AN EASY TASKS OK! So, how does she managed all this? Magic? The only magic tht she had is love and Allah. I think that is how she manage it all~
I love u Ma, and I miss u. I hope I can be a women like u one day :)
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
ACCEPTANCE
Dear Diary,
Its hard to accept when a person that used to care of me before is now caring about somebody else. And despite all that, the somebody that he care now is much more better then I do. It feels like so "FUCK YOU!!" But then what am I suppose to do. I cant hate him, I really cant but I cant love him either. I really prayed that Allah will give me an answer.
Anyway I am now on my way to Sungkai. Abg G will pick me up at KLCC then shoot off to Sungkai. Herm...org sebelah aQ cakal pasal McD laa lak. Ouh! Im in the KTM train now, heading to Kl Sentral, maybe gonna shop for a selendang, yellow selendang to macth my baju raya Haji that Daddy bought for me 2 days ago. Maybe Im going to post a picture of the dress later.
Well for the time being. I am happy that Im going back to Mummy's place ♡
Sunday, October 21, 2012
CINTA
Cinta...
Kenapa engkau ada?
Kenapa engkau hadir?
Di saat aku tidak meminta.
Di masa aku tidak merayu.
Cinta...
Kemanakah engkau?
Bila engkau berlalu?
Tika aku berduka.
Mendambakan kasih.
Cinta...
Adakah hanya aku?
Atau emang benar bukan aku yang bermimpi?
Impikan sesuatu yang tidak mungkin aku miliki.
Yang separuh hatiku ada pada dia?
Kenapa engkau ada?
Kenapa engkau hadir?
Di saat aku tidak meminta.
Di masa aku tidak merayu.
Cinta...
Kemanakah engkau?
Bila engkau berlalu?
Tika aku berduka.
Mendambakan kasih.
Cinta...
Adakah hanya aku?
Atau emang benar bukan aku yang bermimpi?
Impikan sesuatu yang tidak mungkin aku miliki.
Yang separuh hatiku ada pada dia?
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
DREAM
Deat Diary,
Malam semalam aQ bermimpi. Maybe aQ tido bkn niat nak tido but jst to take a short nap, and maybe bdn aQ mmg keletihan shotg nap = beauty sleep. So mmg laa tk basuh kaki sume kan (kantoi jugK!). Dalam mimpi tuh ade Mummy. Cerita dia, we are actually going somewhers, vacation maybe. Then its like, Mummy is driving, is quite late in the day coz wht I remembered was a dark surrounding not tht dark, dusk maybe. We are preparing ourselves for the vacation and Mummy drove off. Then it was like we made a few pit stop but Im not sure where is the place. Lepas tuh time is about 2 am then sekali we were in a accident and I saw Mummy bump her dead really really hard and she is not moving, I tried to wake her up, but she is not moving. Then I noticed tht she was gone!
After tht incident, I was praying hard to god to turn back time, I was begging please please please turn back time, coz I was not ready to lose my Mom and Ill do whatever it takes to save her this time. So maybe God granted my wish and I was back at the exact place where the dream starts. We are again getting ready to go somewhere and I saw Mummy, Ya Allah, I was so happy tht time I start to give my Mom a big giant hug. Suddenly I remembered th tI have to stop her for going to the trip. Its like Mummy still wNt to go ahead with the trip, then I started to convinced my other siblings not to let Mummy drive until 2 am. It was hard at the beginning to convinced thm. The trip was still on and Mummy was still driving. At the same time I didnt stop to convincing others to not letting Mummy drive until 2 am.
Then a spin took place, the trip is still on but Mummy board a plane. Alone. But at tht time, I was relive tht at least my Mom would be save, at least the car accident wont happen. Then I waited for my mom, I watched the plane took off, I saw the plane is now I dont know how many feet above the ground and I was smiling. Suddenly, a strong wind blew my face, as I squint my eyes I saw the plane was also hit by the wind and the plane turn turning-turtle 360 degrees and flew helplessly and CRASH! I screamed my lungs out calling Mummy, my tears were like raindrops. The last thing I knew, Mummy dah tak ada. Lepas tuh macam ade org cakap bgrtaw aQ yg semua ini takdir Allah, and even how hard I tried to save her, I dont have the power to go against, Kun Fa Ya Kun.
Well the dream doesnt stops there where it continues to dream Double Cheese Burger. Yea I know, I know I should forget about him. But there's the thing, every time I managed to forget about him or I have a happier day not thinking bout him, then Ill dream about him. Haih! Trust me, I also dunno what to do! Ok in the dream, I saw him with a girl (I guess it must be the girl tht I saw at Subang Parade with him few weeks ago) they are so happy, close and some mushy stuff happen (ok this mushy stuff happen bcoz of to much reading Wattpad!! And I did read about Marnie kissed Scott so lovingly before went to sleep..haha!) Details, I dont think I want to share. Ill share if Im the one who is doing the kissing with my prince charming, thn Ill share ;p Back to Double Cheese Burger, thy look so happy together, so sweet and loving. So who am I nak kacau bilaukan hubungan derang? Well maybe this is a goodbye dream then, good luck to both of you. See you if you still remember me to be one of the invitation list for your kenduri kawin!~
Malam semalam aQ bermimpi. Maybe aQ tido bkn niat nak tido but jst to take a short nap, and maybe bdn aQ mmg keletihan shotg nap = beauty sleep. So mmg laa tk basuh kaki sume kan (kantoi jugK!). Dalam mimpi tuh ade Mummy. Cerita dia, we are actually going somewhers, vacation maybe. Then its like, Mummy is driving, is quite late in the day coz wht I remembered was a dark surrounding not tht dark, dusk maybe. We are preparing ourselves for the vacation and Mummy drove off. Then it was like we made a few pit stop but Im not sure where is the place. Lepas tuh time is about 2 am then sekali we were in a accident and I saw Mummy bump her dead really really hard and she is not moving, I tried to wake her up, but she is not moving. Then I noticed tht she was gone!
After tht incident, I was praying hard to god to turn back time, I was begging please please please turn back time, coz I was not ready to lose my Mom and Ill do whatever it takes to save her this time. So maybe God granted my wish and I was back at the exact place where the dream starts. We are again getting ready to go somewhere and I saw Mummy, Ya Allah, I was so happy tht time I start to give my Mom a big giant hug. Suddenly I remembered th tI have to stop her for going to the trip. Its like Mummy still wNt to go ahead with the trip, then I started to convinced my other siblings not to let Mummy drive until 2 am. It was hard at the beginning to convinced thm. The trip was still on and Mummy was still driving. At the same time I didnt stop to convincing others to not letting Mummy drive until 2 am.
Then a spin took place, the trip is still on but Mummy board a plane. Alone. But at tht time, I was relive tht at least my Mom would be save, at least the car accident wont happen. Then I waited for my mom, I watched the plane took off, I saw the plane is now I dont know how many feet above the ground and I was smiling. Suddenly, a strong wind blew my face, as I squint my eyes I saw the plane was also hit by the wind and the plane turn turning-turtle 360 degrees and flew helplessly and CRASH! I screamed my lungs out calling Mummy, my tears were like raindrops. The last thing I knew, Mummy dah tak ada. Lepas tuh macam ade org cakap bgrtaw aQ yg semua ini takdir Allah, and even how hard I tried to save her, I dont have the power to go against, Kun Fa Ya Kun.
Well the dream doesnt stops there where it continues to dream Double Cheese Burger. Yea I know, I know I should forget about him. But there's the thing, every time I managed to forget about him or I have a happier day not thinking bout him, then Ill dream about him. Haih! Trust me, I also dunno what to do! Ok in the dream, I saw him with a girl (I guess it must be the girl tht I saw at Subang Parade with him few weeks ago) they are so happy, close and some mushy stuff happen (ok this mushy stuff happen bcoz of to much reading Wattpad!! And I did read about Marnie kissed Scott so lovingly before went to sleep..haha!) Details, I dont think I want to share. Ill share if Im the one who is doing the kissing with my prince charming, thn Ill share ;p Back to Double Cheese Burger, thy look so happy together, so sweet and loving. So who am I nak kacau bilaukan hubungan derang? Well maybe this is a goodbye dream then, good luck to both of you. See you if you still remember me to be one of the invitation list for your kenduri kawin!~
Monday, October 15, 2012
TAKDIR
Dear Diary,
The feelings tht hunted me 2 years back are crawling inside my bones, eating it slowly as it creeps towards my heart. The feeling of disappointment and frustration. I am doubting my decisions of moving on and the questions of what if and why keeps popping into my super short hair head. Urgh!! I really hate this feelings. Why cant I just decide and stick to it and move on! Why it is so hard for me to let go this Double Cheese Burger HUMAN!! Is he really a human? Then why is he so over powering towards me? Every time I try to forget, the more I miss him, the more I cudnt let him go! This human or may not be human guy has a GF laa Uriey Safa! What am I still hoping for? Miracle? ALLAH already granted me 2 miracle by giving me chances to wake up from tht dreadful comma, twice Safa TWICE! What other miracle tht Im hoping for? Tht for tht human to come running back to me? Just like in my dream, tht the human will always be there for me? Dreams do come true, but in this situation 'the dream' will never come true. YA ALLAH please let me forget him, please let me forget tht human.
The moment I saw him at Subang Parade few weeks ago and quite a sweet girl talking and smiling, I just saw sparkles in the girl's pair of eyes. I did want to jump in and say hello, Oh my dear God, I really really do want to say Hello, its killing me right tht moment not to say hello. But when I saw tht human curik curik pandang at her and when he look away, she look at him, i just stopped and instead walking forward, im walking backwards. I dont want to turn my back on him and I know I was going the wrong way but I just had to when I bumped of one of the trainers at Celebrity Fitness. "Are you ok?" "I am not ok."
Mummy once told me tht "You dont have to end up with ur own circle of friends" and everytime I try to get bck to him by all the telco providers method but he jst shut me down, it feels like a dagger had reached its target, right into my soul. Mummy knows how Im feeling, she always look at me when Im down and hugged me and kissed my forehead "Its ok my princess, I will always love and be there for you. He is some guy tht didnt know how to appreciated the things tht u had given and done for him." And everytime I just let myself cry of shame and disappointment Mummy just say "He is a fool letting you go. He already break his promise towards you and the promise tht he told me. He is not worth it. You will find someone better." I know Mummy just saying to keep me calmed by saying tht but the truth is Mummy herself are fond to him. Tht is the biggest reason of my feelings, when I see him with Mummy they were so comfortable, and he and Daddy, thy almost shared the same interest and they just click since the very 1st time my parents met him, they are ngam like tht, like a fondant perfectly attached to a delicate cake. Mummy knows tht Id regretted on the things I had done. Even tho its not 100% caused by me, I may contributed like 28% of it, out of anger and rage and fear it is enough to destroy a friendship.
I always told Mummy tht we are just friends. But who am I to lie to her. Mummy knows me well, well enough to know where is my biggest scar on my body. She knows just looking into my eyes and my sadness tht I do have 'more thn friend' feelings towards him. But me being me, I denied it straight away! Im not the type of girl tht wants a fairy-tale romantic relationship, I just want an honest true relationship. But when I get it, I become to over protective thn when I started of losing grip, then is when Im starting to FREAK OUT! Mummy told me tht I am just like a white pearl, ugly and hard at the outside (shell) but once its open it becomes priceless but when the pearl is brushed and washed it become something beautiful and pricey. That is why Ustaz Hafiz gave me another name, Intan Baiduri (tht is how U-Riey came around).
Why do I have know this human? Why does this human have to come into my life? And why the heck Im giving this human a McDonald's nickname? I should give him a KFC's nickname instead! Like super hideous Crunchy Spicy Chicken...yuck! Why do I have to fall for this human? Well, the answer will be quite obvious i guess, its destined...TAKDIR.
The feelings tht hunted me 2 years back are crawling inside my bones, eating it slowly as it creeps towards my heart. The feeling of disappointment and frustration. I am doubting my decisions of moving on and the questions of what if and why keeps popping into my super short hair head. Urgh!! I really hate this feelings. Why cant I just decide and stick to it and move on! Why it is so hard for me to let go this Double Cheese Burger HUMAN!! Is he really a human? Then why is he so over powering towards me? Every time I try to forget, the more I miss him, the more I cudnt let him go! This human or may not be human guy has a GF laa Uriey Safa! What am I still hoping for? Miracle? ALLAH already granted me 2 miracle by giving me chances to wake up from tht dreadful comma, twice Safa TWICE! What other miracle tht Im hoping for? Tht for tht human to come running back to me? Just like in my dream, tht the human will always be there for me? Dreams do come true, but in this situation 'the dream' will never come true. YA ALLAH please let me forget him, please let me forget tht human.
The moment I saw him at Subang Parade few weeks ago and quite a sweet girl talking and smiling, I just saw sparkles in the girl's pair of eyes. I did want to jump in and say hello, Oh my dear God, I really really do want to say Hello, its killing me right tht moment not to say hello. But when I saw tht human curik curik pandang at her and when he look away, she look at him, i just stopped and instead walking forward, im walking backwards. I dont want to turn my back on him and I know I was going the wrong way but I just had to when I bumped of one of the trainers at Celebrity Fitness. "Are you ok?" "I am not ok."
Mummy once told me tht "You dont have to end up with ur own circle of friends" and everytime I try to get bck to him by all the telco providers method but he jst shut me down, it feels like a dagger had reached its target, right into my soul. Mummy knows how Im feeling, she always look at me when Im down and hugged me and kissed my forehead "Its ok my princess, I will always love and be there for you. He is some guy tht didnt know how to appreciated the things tht u had given and done for him." And everytime I just let myself cry of shame and disappointment Mummy just say "He is a fool letting you go. He already break his promise towards you and the promise tht he told me. He is not worth it. You will find someone better." I know Mummy just saying to keep me calmed by saying tht but the truth is Mummy herself are fond to him. Tht is the biggest reason of my feelings, when I see him with Mummy they were so comfortable, and he and Daddy, thy almost shared the same interest and they just click since the very 1st time my parents met him, they are ngam like tht, like a fondant perfectly attached to a delicate cake. Mummy knows tht Id regretted on the things I had done. Even tho its not 100% caused by me, I may contributed like 28% of it, out of anger and rage and fear it is enough to destroy a friendship.
I always told Mummy tht we are just friends. But who am I to lie to her. Mummy knows me well, well enough to know where is my biggest scar on my body. She knows just looking into my eyes and my sadness tht I do have 'more thn friend' feelings towards him. But me being me, I denied it straight away! Im not the type of girl tht wants a fairy-tale romantic relationship, I just want an honest true relationship. But when I get it, I become to over protective thn when I started of losing grip, then is when Im starting to FREAK OUT! Mummy told me tht I am just like a white pearl, ugly and hard at the outside (shell) but once its open it becomes priceless but when the pearl is brushed and washed it become something beautiful and pricey. That is why Ustaz Hafiz gave me another name, Intan Baiduri (tht is how U-Riey came around).
Why do I have know this human? Why does this human have to come into my life? And why the heck Im giving this human a McDonald's nickname? I should give him a KFC's nickname instead! Like super hideous Crunchy Spicy Chicken...yuck! Why do I have to fall for this human? Well, the answer will be quite obvious i guess, its destined...TAKDIR.
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