LASAGNA

Dear Diary,
         Today begin with an awful morning, where I woke up being angry because of the dream that I almost scream and I actually punched my bantal peluk and my bantal peluk bang to wall and my heart is beating fast as Im been on a treadmill for half an hour jog. Is no longer a smile terukir on my face whenever I that gentlemen decided to say hello in my dream but from today onward its going to be the worst nightmare.

        Ok whatever! But the mood stretches the whole morning until I started my cooking. Im making Lasagna today! Heeeee :)) !!! I was hype up and getting excited to cook the sauce, smelling the aroma and thinking of what to do, all is jumble up in my head. Letting my body get loose, just go with the flow like always until there this one little situation occur. What the FUCK!!! In the middle of no where and for no reason the situation just occur like....taaaaddddaaaaa!!! My bloods are boiling (ignoring that the sauce is boiling too) and my heart beats more more more and more faster then usual "Who the hell, this fellow thinks he is!!? Just like that?? Am I a robot??" Trying to pushed the situation away and try to calm myself down and concentrate on cooking. Well, everything got much more worse then I could ever imagine. I burned my hand when the hot water spilled on me, didnt get the mirepoix in the right measurement and forget the recipes here and there. So there is a lot of roux incorporated in my lasagna today....haih!!~

      I just feel like crying. Tapi mungkin Allah tuh Maha Adil kan, dia bagi satu berite kurang baik untuk hamba Nya, lepas tuh dia bagi berita gembira pulak :)) Nina call asking whether the Lasagna is ready or not and she told me that everyone is coming to eat = THE KIDS!!! Yea :))) At least hilang jugak rasa sunyi aQ :D Daddy pown excited :)) Once the Lasagna is cooked and baked, 15 minutes later they arrived and Im back smiling again........ Tapi Aisyah demam panas, kesian dia...layu je dia. Dah laa kurus kering, sakit pulak tuh, panas sangat badan dia. Tapi kalau Ben, nampak makanan je...amboi terus ke dapur. Heheehe :)) Terhibur laaa jugak tengok aksi aksi budak budak nih ;p

This is what I did to my lasagna ;p

Sian Adik, toye je muka :((

Dear Diary,
         aQ tahu, Allah tidak akan memberikan sesuatu yang aQ tak mampu nak tanggung. Walaupon perit, walaupon pedih tapi Dia tahu aQ kuat, Dia tahu aQ tidak perlu bergantung kepada sesiapa dan Dia tahu diri aQ lebih daripada aQ mengenali diri aQ sendiri. Dan aQ juga tahu yang segala apa yang Engkau berikan, segala ujian adalah semata mata untuk aQ menguatkan diri aQ sendiri dan lebih gagah untuk aQ maju kehadapan. aQ adalah hamba Mu Ya Allah and I am my Mummy's daughter, she is the most strongest person that I would ever know and I know I am just like her. I am strong like her and I can get through all this pain~

A DREAM IS A DREAM

Dear Diary,
         Dida and Kak Intan went to Jakarta today, maybe went to buy some material-sewing things that I have no knowledge off ;p Tapi tadi (Since I have to assignments, and I usually start of in the middle of the night so I decided to have an early nap just now) mimpikan Mummy. The situation is probably in the sewing room downstairs and Mummy just came home from Jakarta :))) Mummy was so happy coming back from Jakarta, even though sometimes she do look serious but in a good and happy way. I asked her hows Jakarta and she replied "Best! Banyak kain kat sane cantik cantik and that person wants to come down and see the kilang and kedai Bangi.." I know that Mummy does not really keen to go to Indonesia because of her past experience that she went with Opah Tam before so I asked her again "Bersih ke kat sane..." then she answered "Ok laaa, its improved..." I miss you Mummy, and Im happy that you are happy now <3 :)))

        Selalunye kan, since sebelum Mummy meninggal lagi. Every time aQ mimpikan Mummy 'dia' mesti muncul sekali, he just MUST appear! I dont know why he have to be presence but there he is, even he is not on the same scene at Mummy but he must be in the dream that Im having in the same NIGHT! Tension juga bila asyik-asyik 'dia' muncul kan but at same time I do miss him so Im a bit happy to see him in my dream. Haih! aQ  pon tak tahu la apa kena dengan aQ ni? Meroyan agaknya. In my dream, he was happy posting pictures and updating status in FB :)) Im glad that he is and hope he is really happy now no matter with or without someone but I hope and pray that he is happy with what he is doing currently. I know he is determine kind of person and I cant wait to read up about his current project in the newspaper :)) If not mistaken it will be launch on June, 'dia' cakap laaa... 

         Oh well! A dream is a dream :)) But I am happy to see both of them :D Bye bye for now!~

CLARIFY

Dear Readers,
         Since the numbers at the counter is increasing and I actually could not believe it but Alhamdulillah ada jugak orang nak peduli pasal aQ ;p Ok! I just want to clarify few things (I never thought I would do this but yeah! Im doing doing it!) first of all, maybe some of you are little bit weird on the language that I had been using for this blog and also when I use English you could read a lot of GRAMMAR mistakes all over my post..hehe! ;p Well that is the reason why I called my blog 'My Diary'. I am from Malaysia, and I am a Malay (quarter Chinese) but I dont speak Chinese and was raised by the Malay customs and teaching (a bit British because of my parents but my parents are not British...haih! ;p ). Therefore, my mother tongue is Bahasa Melayu but I also communicate in English as well. And I thank my Mummy and Daddy and my siblings due to the frequent usage of communicating in English. So I hope that explains the mixtures of language in my posts. For the grammar part; The real reason for me to set up this blog is for me to voice out or write out my real life experience. At first, I dont really care whether my blog is being read by others or not, I just want to let it out. So that is why I named it 'My Diary'. Once I write it, I dont bother to correct it or to change what I had wrote because it was my experience and I dont want to, not in this world to change a single bit of what had happen. So, I just write write write TYPE! Then Ill post it just like that :D 

      I hope it make sense to all of you (readers) and Im really really sorry if reading my posts is making you migraine or getting headaches and seeing bunch of ponies running around and jumping the gate ;p just because you want to figure out "what in the world this crazy girl trying to SAY!!!!" ;p  So that is it! I guess...Thank you for reading my posts and I hope you will enjoy my stories :))) 

'CHILI CRAB'

Dear Diary,
         Hari nih saye masak Chili Crab. Ahaks!! 1st time masak ketam, selame nih tgk Mummy je masak ketam kan, so today biar aQ laa lak try. Google resipe Chili Crab, kenapa Chili Crab? Sebab everytime aQ nampak ketam, mesti 'Chili Crab' yang terlintas dalam pale otak aQ. So Chili Crab lah! ;p Dan selain daripada itu, Google lah jugak cara cara nak mencuci ketam kan. Gelak laa jugak sendiri bile aQ type kat search bar 'how to clean a mud crab' tapi kalau bukan sekarang bila lagi kan? Better now then never :D

       So pagi tadi gi pasar kat Kelana Jaya, aQ nih jenis memang (tetibe ade lak rama-rama terbang depan aQ.....) yang tak suke ke pasar! Kalau ke Carrefour supermarket cam tuh aQ biase laa kan, so still stick to 'Better now or NEVER' aQ pown gagahkan laa diri bangun pagi, gosok gigi (tak mandi, heheeh sebab pikir nanti gi pasar mesti kotor and bau meletkat) so tukar seluar jeans, pakai baju yang aQ pakai malam tadi tuk tidur, baju Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse ;p So pergilah saye dengan Daddy ke pasar (kalau Mummy still hidup, mesti terkejut Mummy tengok aQ gi pasar).

        Time kat pasar tuh kan, bukan main terkejut nye saye "Murah gile ikan! Murah gile udang, sotong, daging. ikan bawal hitam.......freshnye!!" (saya penggemar ikan bawal) dan sebagainye. Tapi tujuan utama still in mind is to find crab! So ade laa 2 gerai yang jual ketam, so amek bakul dan mule lah memilih. aQ rase baju Mickey and Minnie Mouse aQ menjadi factor, makcik kat sebelah aQ offer diri untuk tolong pilihkan ketam untuk aQ, die cakap "adik, nih amek ketam nih...berat nih, banyak isi dia..." So tanpa segan silu, dah ade orang offer nak ajar kan, aQ dengar dan terime saje lah :D at least dapat gak ilmu baru yang aQ tak dapat belajar dalam culinary class ;p

       Dah beli sume barang yang diperlukan then macam biase dalam otak aQ just recalculate laa how much we spend for all the things and its only about RM 40 for all the stuff! As a regular customer of Carrefour, kalau aQ beli sume nih kat Carrefour, mau at least RM 70 cam tuh.... aQ punye laa bangge sebab! 1. aQ gi pasar pagi and I like it dan 2. I save money ;p... kaaachiiinnggg!!! So balik rumah Mimi, then start to cook. I am not going to share the cooking process laa because you can just Google Chili Crab recipe and walaaaa! All types of recipe they will pop-out and I picked the Singaporean style which they also include a video (Chili Crab is a Singaporean national dish ar?? Wahtever laa, as long you Singaporeans are happy). 

        Bila aQ berdiri depan sink and ketam ada dalam sink, aQ tengok ketam dan ketam tengok aQ. Tercengang laa jugak ape yang patut aQ mulekan kan. So cam biase, rendamkan ketam dalam air limau, just to get rid the hanyir smell then pejam mate ingat balik macam mana orang dalam video Youtube tuh buat. So satu satu laa aQ handle, kan kena bukak die nye top shell first, so I have to tarik dia nye somehow or rather the ekor then you get or able to crack the top shell. Dan berjaya! Dalam proses tuh jugak aQ belajar, mana satu jantan dan mana satu betina. Kalau jantan dia punya 'ekor' yang ditarik keluar tuh macam bentuk V, but if betina dia punya end 'V' tuh cam panjang lebar sikit. How I know this? Not from the help of Youtube but one of the crab has TELUR KETAM!! So that is how I learned, wink!~

      Dah habis masak, masa untuk makan! aQ gune resipe yg sebijik cam dalam Google tuh and bile aQ rase kuah die "macam ayam masak merah je, ayam masak merah aQ lagi sedap" so basically I know how to improvised the recipe for the next time I cook it (and I love to improvise :D ) So sume dah duduk dekat meja and cedok menyedok nasi pon bermula, Sha Sha (my niece) she was a bit skeptical on trying the Chili Crab because she never eat crab before and it was cook in Chili (dia tak suke pedas laaa) but her Mom (Kak Su) was like trying to persuade her to try and luckily the Chili gravy that was supposed to be 'Chili' its not that spicy...haih! At first Sha Sha tak nak, and then I was like "buat penat jee Fafa masak, huuuuu.." so I was like "tak pe, kopek and bagi jugak!" So aQ kuar kan isi ketam and just put it on her plate and she goes "tak nak lah!" Then I buat dunno ;p And then her Mom was still trying to pujuk and finally she took it and place it in her mouth "haaa, macam rase udang kan?" There was still more on her plate (haih! rama rama nih, sebelah Skittles aQ jugak ko nak landing) then after her first taste......then..........she finish it all! Muaaahahahhaahahah "VICTORY!!"

       Then there was Daddy a.k.a Tok a.k.a Uncle KFC ;p kan Tok takde gigi, sian tok, so he can only ate the body part and the small small testicles but when it come to the snip-snap of the crab part, he cant bite it. But that part was the marvelous part! The essence of a CRAB!!!!!! So he offered me to take it. So I was like ok. So I use my teeth to bite and 'CRACK!' no my teeth are still attached on my gums, heeeee! But I used my eyes to jeling kat Daddy laaa, and he was like see me like really really tempted. So I ignored at first, and I ate it and I sucked it like nobody business but when I took a bite on the second snip-snap testicles I just bite just to cracked it and gave it to Daddy and say "Nah, Safa dah gigitkan, Daddy kopek je laa..." Then he was like so happy got to eat it like Nazrin dapat keropok like that ;p

      Ouh! About Nazrin a.k.a Charlie a.k.a Captain Jr. He is soooooooo CUTE!! Especially the way he laughed, I just want to bite him! Grrrrrr! Last night, we went outside for dinner and the kakkak at the restaurant sebelah like so 'head to toe' of Nazrin, they tried to approached him, but he got scared but somehow or rather one of the kakkak got to dukung him and they was like so happy, Nazrin buat muka macho! Amboi, mementang aweks aweks dukung dia kan.....kewl jhe ek! ;p

     I think thats all for today. Cheers :)))


   

HEART ATTACK

Dear Diary,
         Ya Allah, I love him so much until my heart hurts. My body is in pain and my knees are weak every time I think that he is happy with someone else. I know that I should not think of him but when I held baby Sara in my arms and watched her falling asleep, I just prayed in my heart that I wish I have a baby like her and suddenly his name popped up in my head. Even I do feel annoyed and wanted to shake his name out from my head, but while I looked at baby Sara, I just could not do it and instead I smiled. Im such a fool! Letting him played my feelings like this. And Im such a fool for letting him in for god sake! 

        I deleted him few days ago but I just added him back few hours ago. I could not risk myself on keeping him anymore but at the same time, I can risk myself of letting him go. Its kind of like a 'jongkat-jongket' thing. Ya Allah, what should I do? Getting to know new people? I did that and even there are some potentials, just waiting for me to say yes. But I could not say yes, I could not betray myself and I could not let myself be the old me by having 2 - 3 boyfriends at one time and when I get bored I just dumped them. And that was after  I got hurt by Fique, purely based on vengeance. I dont want to be that person anymore, I am not that person anymore.

I NEED AIR THAT ILL KILL TO BREATH!

Dear Diary,
         Kenapa aQ jadi macam nih?? I dont really think that I had done anything productive for this past week!! Hati tak tentu, demam tuh memangla tengah demam sekarang but at the same time I just could not think straight.  I knew this kindda thing will happen. I knew it that this stuff, stupid stuffs its not worth it all! This feeling is meaningless, HE IS MEANINGLESS!! But what the heck! I just, still go for it. In hoping it will work out this time. Stupid ME! Idiot stupid bitch ME! I dont know what to do, I dont know who to turn to. Mummy is no longer available because she is gone. Nak move on pon macam, I dont know how. Just do my stuff and ignore him, can I do that? Can I just ignored that stupid maniac person that has so much affect on me?? Every time I think about it, it just make me sick and think about that Grosse Salope even make me sicker until I want to vomit all my fats out and transfer to that CHIENNE so that she can be more gros et gras un gros et gras until the world explode!! Ergh! Im such a child.....................

       I cannot be like this. I have to stop this. Once and for all! But HOW? Ouh, God please help me....