DREAM (again?!?!)

Dear Diary,
         It was so so so so so vivid, as if I was wearing a 3D spectacles. I know a dream cannot be 100% trusted and a dream is mainan syaitan. But to me, it depends in how you actually spend the night. If you come back really tired or even you enjoying yourself like there is no tomorrow and you come home, solat tk sempat, mandi tak sempat, baca bismillah pon tak sempat and gedeebaaboomm! Strait away on the bed then yes, whatever dream you had that night is syaitan bawak ko naik roller coaster bebeh! But if before you sleep and you solat, mengaji, baca yassin and pray to Allah for forgiveness, protection and clues about anything then maybe the dream that you had has a meaning towards it. I am not going to revealed which of the 2 choices that I made last night, so ko pikirla sendiri yeop!

        This is the second time I had a dream consist of 2 same person, my Mom and a friend. The first time was, early last year if Im not mistaken or it was 2011 (erk!) but lepas aQ sedar dari mimpi tuh, I straight away sms Mummy and told her about the dream, I couldnt resist my tears from falling that time and I told her that I want the dream to come true. She was so happy for the first time I actually admitted but she told me, take it slow and there are other things that she told me, not that I dont want to share but not for the time being. And this morning it was the same thing, I cried just the difference is, I had no one to turn too and this time I was scared, really scared, really really really scared and scared. I did said "Ya Allah, Safa nak Mummy, and where is Mummy?" Until I snapped myself out and Isthigfar. I couldnt stop crying cause is not only I want the dream to come true (heart), but at the same time I dont want the dream to come true (logically). And it is also because I miss Mummy so much. Its been months Mummy didnt come and visit through my dream and last night she decided to pop out, Ya Allah, I miss her so much, I want to hug her and kiss her and tell her everything but it was not included in the dream storyboard....oh well, at least I could see her face :)

       Oh yea, before I go on I want to clarify the blog entitle "Dream" has nothing to do with this dream. Ok continue!

       The dream that I had last night was pretty similar to the first dream I had and it does convey the same message. It is so frustrating when you know you want it, but you also know you cant. Why I cant? Because this time I cant just destroy a relationship just because for the importance of my own (Im an angel right? With purple wings!) Plus he already admitted that he has someone special, so that was another reason why I didnt want the dream to come true, feelings can change, I can renovate my feelings and my resolutions for this year is to make amends and has a normal mutual feelings to everyone not trying to dig the old feelings that I once had and anyway its to late also. Even if the dream was the answer to my prayers, but logically I couldnt visualize it happening. For a friend that I know dearly, I know he is a bit (a lot!) timid but I know he is the kind of person that determine what he wants and he wont admit if that is not what he wants. So he admitted that he has a GF and as a person that want to make amends I need to respect that and to do so, the dream just cant not happen. Ok, maybe it was my fault, its been 2 years since the silent treatment and its this few days when I apologized and talk to him, maybe I was getting excited and ok laa yes I do miss him and all, because he is a good friend and I believe he still consider me as his friend, well trying not to be over confident that he will think of me as his best friend back, after Im being a bad bad bitch towards him, but at least a friend. And to me, he is still my best buddy until the world concave ;p

       Another disclaimer, the dream doesnt involved getting married or rombongan meminang ke ape. aQ dah biase sangat dengan cerita Melayu kan! But nope! Tok kadi, kenduri kawin, silat menyilat is not in the dream storyboard OK it was just plainly and simply Mummy and him! (so stop imagining that I will get married, cause Im not ;p )

      So oklah! Well I know, I know that you all want to know what happen in the dream right? But I think, let me keep it to myself for now. And by the way I already give my promise to Mummy that I will and stay and be a good friend to him. There are some other things that Mummy told me about him before she passed away, but be patience ladies and gentlemen, Kesabaran itu adalah separuh daripada Iman ;p