Friday, November 9, 2012

I dont know what title to put?

Dear Diary,
         I dont know how it is suppose to felt when someone tht u spend the life with for more then 40 years suddenly gone. Well I do feel sorry whenever I see him lying down the bed alone. Like earlier today, I wanted to go down and cooked dinner but make a detour to the toilet (I always use the master bedroom's toilet) then I saw him lying down taking his evening short-nap with Mummy's pillow lay by his side at Mummy's side of the bed being patted by him. We will always have our own pillows and pillow cases and boosters. Mummy says it always has our smell on it even though its freshly washed, so it will never mixed around or we will never used someones else pillow. So, we get used to it and plus our pillow is customized, its not like ordinary pillows in the super market. Our pillow is extra long and extra wide, I remembered one of my cousins mentioned "Bantal Anjang, boleh muat 2 orang tido.." :)

       Even though I only glanced for few seconds then looked away. But deep in my heart, I know tht he misses Mummy a lot. Well, maybe I wouldn't know how does it feels like, cz Im not married yet. But I reckon that losing a mother is not as same as losing a wife. Bukan nak samekanlaa, aQ nih pown tak sampai 10 tahun kenal DCB pown skang bukan main susah nak lupekan dia, apentah lagi yg dah hidup bersama sama 40 tahun, siap ade 6 org anak dgn cucu lagi. Furthermore, most of the closes people to our family did said that Mummy was really had his back all this while, especially when he faced the rough phase of his life and carrier. But with Mummy's help, prayers and support they got through it all.

      Well, Mummy will always got everyone's back. It's just who she is. She will never feel happy until she see that the people around her are happy. And she will go all out to help other people. Well she did left me with one person tht she wanted to help out, coz she really wants him to achieve his dreams (well me too). But I did contacted him to help him out, but it seems there is no respond from his side, sorry Ma I did tried. 

      When I think back for all this while and see how Mummy managed the family and Daddy. How she took care all of her responsibilities and routines. I suddenly feel scared. Scared because, if one day I get married can I manage my family like Mummy did? If later one of my children get sick, can I take care of him or her like she took care of me? Do I have the patience like she had? Do I have the strength and courage like she possessed? Even now Im taking care of this household IS NOT AN EASY TASKS OK! So, how does she managed all this? Magic? The only magic tht she had is love and Allah. I think that is how she manage it all~

     I love u Ma, and I miss u. I hope I can be a women like u one day :)