Sunday, June 9, 2013

I'M A.........................?

Dear Diary,
I'm not a god,
Nor a goddess.
I'm not perfect,
Nor entirely broken.
I'm not famous,
Nor a total stranger.
I'm not pretty,
Nor I'm hideous.
I'm not 100% true,
Nor I'm fake.
I don't know who I am,
Nor even you.

But I know something.

I'm cute.
I'm fair.
I'm not tall.
I'm not short.
I'm dumb but in a smart way.
I'm hardworking.
I'm honest.
I'm a day dreamer.
I'm a night dreamer.
I'm talkative in my head.
I'm passive but active.
I'm a fan of McD.
I'm Lovin It!
Basically, I am ME :)

Saturday, June 8, 2013


Dear Diary,
         I am not angry, Im just sad. So sad to think how foolish I was to be easily to trust someone? Am I that desperate? Oh gosh! I still remember how stubborn I was, how incredibly hard heart-ed I was and how difficult for me to trust someone especially the opposite gender, for God sake, I couldnt even trust my own family back then, so how am I suppose to trust someone that is not my family?!? 

        But I guess, that was then, I think. Is it because that Im now aging? Or because since Mummy passed, I just need someone? Or Im just simply desperate?? Oh Safawati Kamaruddin, how low can I be to be that desperate? Remember the pack that I made to myself? Remember all the hate and the avenges that I carried all this while and what I had been through that has been caused the pain in me physically and mentally??

       Its normal for people to have heart, but its not typical when a person that had been through all that pain, lies, betrayal and just fucked-up-gentlemen has a brain to actually willing themselves to go through all that AGAIN?? So now, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??!!?? 

        I know that God let this situation to happen is to test me, whether Im strong enough to face this and if Im capable to keep the promise to myself. But I am surely, entirely so sure that I had FAIL the test terribly with flying colours!! ALL RED! 

        Gosh! I hate my life! Why cant I just go through something that is less hurtful, something that wont my heart ache or stomach curls and twists. Something that wont break my heart to pieces. Why cant I just have a happy life?   

Tuesday, June 4, 2013


Dear Diary,
          Was PB just a mistake? If PB was a mistake, thank God I knew it early so that I dont have to been through in deep shit as what I had been through with DCB. It was horrible and terrifying! But what if PB was not a mistake, maybe PB was just scared. I think I might be able to rely to what PB has been through. Yurp! 

           What can be much more hurtful then knowing your so called loving-boyfriend is married to your own kakak Angkat after I woke up from that dreadful comma....KAN!!! Love much?!? Stupid bloody-hell men. And also knowing that DCB had promised you to be with you and had your back no matter what happen and best friends till death tear us apart......but with a simple blow-off, everything flew away, away, away and away.

           Men. Will always be known by their sweet talks, promises that in the end will be just bullshit and theatrical drama. Will PB falls in the same category. Cause if PB does, men please dont do this to me. I cant really truly take it anymore. I know you know that it hurts, so please dont do this to me. Just go when you still can, go when its still early. 

          But if you are not in the same category as them, please stay, because I am getting used to have you around and I like it. So which one are you PB?