Today is your birthday. If by any chance you are still here, you are 67 years old! Mummy, life was not easy since you left. I know you left for a better reason and I also know that in every struggles that we face, Allah will always give us a silver lining. And you did proved that tremendous time :) Mummy, being the one that always follow you like a tail behind your back, now its like being a lost cat without an owner (does it make sense?? Aish! Safa!) What Im trying to say is, for whole my life, you had been my best friend, my best enemy, my best counselor, my best cook, my best opponent, my best ATM ;p (obviously), my best companion, my best boyfriend ever and my best in everything. Never once in my life I could remember that I had been apart from my Mom, got laaa for 2 years, where I had to stay in Langkawi with Daddy and my Mom had to stay in Shah Alam, I go to school in Langkawi and all. But even that, I come back to Shah Alam must be once in a fortnight and give a call to Mummy like everyday after school using Daddy office phone ;p hahaahaha! How am I suppose to know that we cant use office phone to make private calls, I was like what 10 and 11 years old and Daddy was like someone back then ;p
Mummy, I miss you like every moment. Tomorrow will be my first day of class for semester 8. I have 2 more semester to go, why did you have to go so early? Cant you just wait a little while longer? I still remember like every time before I went to class, I will always make sure that I Salam and kiss your hand and then give you a hug. Even though I know that Mummy geli orang cium cium Mummy, but I just dont care lagi dapat cium lagi best :D Even there are days when we have miss communications or misunderstanding or Im being stubborn just nak merajuk dengan Mummy, but I still Salam tangan and hug you even I was looking away. But tomorrow onwards, I no longer have you to Salam and hug every time I go for college. You know that the Pajero was like almost my age (season punya kereta) and the back door at the passenger (left side) rosak. So every time I wanted to go down, you from the front passenger seat you have to get down and open the door for me. Every time you do that I will always smile and imagining myself as a princess stepping down from the carriage, and when I did get down you will say "My Princess" or "Tuan Puteri". Mummy, who is going to do all that from now on?
Well, your 'anak angkat lelaki kesayangan' ;p did mention that you want me to learn to berdikari, buat semua kerja sendiri, matang and bla bla bla, but I am growing up and I am getting mature everyday but its just a bit slower then anyone else because I dont want to leave you or you to leave me :( I dont like the idea of you are not able to be there for any of my biggest days. But kan Mummy, I dont seem to recall that part of message in your phone or in anything that you wrote down, because you always wrote down in a piece of paper before you sent any sms to him right. Hurm...or you having that part of conversation without having me knowing? Mummy! Well, what to do your 'anak angkat lelaki kesayangan' already told me, but not everything just that part that you wanted me to be more matured and etc. He said that he already forgotten about the message but does he? Or he also just want to keep that conversation a secret? Oh! You just wait AALK! ;p Or maybe I just let him keep it as a secret, so that he has something that he can hold to as remembrance of Mummy. :)
Well to make it fair, Mummy did tell me a few things about AALK (AALK, seriously! Takde name lain ke?!?) She told me that she dont want me to keep on 'not being friends' attitude too long. She did told me that she likes him and he seems to be responsible and a good guy (ye ke?!?! Kalaulah die bace nih dari kurus kering terus kembang kang!!) and she did add that he is the kind of guy that I can make good friends with that I can rely on. Ok, Mummy also admit that he has a few not too good habits but then its for me to judge, whether all his badness is more then his good side or vice versa, then make your pick. If I choose to being back friends with him, then patience is the key :) Mummy cakap macam nak dijadikan menantu je cakap camtuh? Terkesima gak kejap when we were having that talk but I cant see it going to happen because he has a gf and I dont want to masuk campur lagi dalam hubungan dia because I dont want to get into a fight and misunderstanding anymore. So now, I did apologized to him, and he seems to accept it and we are now in good terms, so one of Mummy's wishes is CHECKED! :D But I do kindda miss those old days when we were so close laa kan. Menyesal menyesal jugak, but padan muka aQ laa kan, who ask me to listen to other people without getting clarification from him first? Hahah! Good old times, good and bad memories ;p its what make a person a better person :D
Yesterday Nazrul wanted to go back to Sungkai and he asked me and Daddy whether we wanted to come along. Me, of course laa YES! And Daddy also wanted to come along. I miss Mummy so much! And I am so excited to go back to Sungkai and pay her a visit even though she is now 7 feet under. But I dont care, being there is the only place that I can feel my heart at ease someone that I used to be when Im with her, her youngest daughter, her youngest child. So we went yesterday and we stop at Mummy's resting place first, then something happen to Daddy (something that I might say hilarious but kesian laa jugak) So Nazrul and Kak Naz had to send Daddy to Mak Ngah's house first meanwhile I stayed there with Mummy <3 I did take that opportunity to pour my heart out, I cried of course but I just pour my heart out as if she was in front of me like always listening to all my problems. And also about a guy (I dont want to name who, Alfie, ko taw kan sape ;p dah shhhh) a clue, I did mention about him in my previous posts (just to make it less obvious I did change his kata name laa kan, so like today Im not going to say who ;p ) that I once like and still like just after years keeping my feelings aside because of fear of rejection and heartbroken and ego of course and only after Mummy had passed away I really realized that I cant forget him. I did tried, trust me I did try hard enough but I just couldnt. Well now, its a bit complicated and its hard to let go and its totally not the right time to admit my feelings towards him. Biarlah takdir menentukan segalanya, aceewaaahhh!!~
Haaa! Lepas ke kubur, Mak Ngah's house we go! There we ate lunch, nasik putih, kuah kari ikan, ikan goreng AND SAMBAL PETAI! hurmp!! Marvelous! Mak Ngah and Yah Na (one of my cousins) at first we talked about Joji and Kak Z. Jeng jeng jeng! Pak Joji dah ade girlfriend! And Kak Z is so lawa! ;p (I think I did wrote a bout this on my last post right) so everyone its like, its it serious and when are we getting invitation and all that, so for the moment Joji and Kak Z was the highlight. Suddenly! Mak Ngah asked me "Safa dah ade?" ahhh! sudah! And my answer is "Nope, tkde lagi" "Takde lagi, kena carik laaa..." Hahahah and then Kak Naz cut in and everything went to Mission to Find Me a Husband or Mission to See Safa Get Married! Oh my God! I was blushing like mad and frustrated ;p AALK pon pernah cakap that its like being his responsibility pulak in making sure I got married, duh! In my heart I was like "Ko je laa jadi laki aQ, senang..tak yah dok pening!" Hahahahaha (AALK, it was only a joke ok no heartfeelings, you dah ade gf, jgn amek hati ;p ) Well to me, when the time comes it will come, cause we will never know what going to happen and I seriously believe that Allah has written his name for me and he will come along, when, how and when just pray ia akan dipercepatkan dan dan disatukan dalam keadaan baik dan aman, taknak menghancurkn atau mengecewakan hati orang lain. Because I did witness like some couple, dulu bercinte bagai nak rak, patu gaduh bagai nak rak, patu masing masing ade gf bf lain last last kad jemputan kawin name deme laa jugak. Ade pulak, dulu bukan main rivalry nye sampai kebesar, last last dah ade anak pon skang. Ade lak, kawin dengan anak jiran sebelah, haha! So I dont want to be so planned up on this matter, yes I know Im going to be 25 this 30th May and usually Malay ladies will be like so naik hantu like that if their are not married by age 25, but rilex laa babe! The time will come, steady man steady!
Mummy did left me with an advice, "If you want to see or know are that person is ready to become a husband or wife. See hows he or her take care of his or her parents and his or her relationship between him or her with the parents and family" "If he or her can manage and take care or the parents well, Insya Allah he or her will be a good husband or wife for you and can take care of you." For my case husband laa kan, tkkn wife plak ;p Insya Allah Mummy, if I ever (EVER!) getting married to someone that you already know or you might not know Ill remember all the advice you had given me and Insya Allah, its how you took care of Daddy will be the example of me taking care of my I-Dont-Know-Who husband. Ok! Puas hati sume org? ;p So takde leee teman nih tak nak kawin, tapi teman tak nak rushing things through, jadi Insya Allah, yerp!
So Mummy, (Safa nak kena pergi jumpe Dr Razman nih) HAPPT BIRTHDAY! And Insya Allah Mummy, all your advice and all your teaching I will try to keep and use it at its best. And you were right, the best thing that you can leave me is your Al-Quran and semua amalan yang Mummy amalkan waktu Mummy hidup, I dont need a letter or a book of what to do or how to do it, its all in the Al-Quran and yakin kepada Allah SWT. Semua pesanan Mummy kepada Safa to AALK and to my bothers and sisters and also Daddy, Insya Allah Ma, step by step. I know Safa pernah buat semua sebagai musuh Safa and baru sekarang Safa sedar yang derang penting dalam hidup Safa and last weekend Safa dengan Dida kemaskan kedai kat Bangi tuh, I wish that you were there to see how we talked and laughed how we bonded as sisters. Safa taw Safa tk dapat buat semua tuh mase Mummy hidup, Safa degil Safa ego, sekarang nih Safa buat for you. So that you will be more at ease and Insya Allah, jika Allah perkenankan we will see each other in Jannah, I cant wait to hug you and kiss you again <3 HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMY~
This was the last time we will ever celebrated your Birthday (14 January 2012) :) HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMY <3